Perhaps you've not given much thought to boundaries but it's likely you have them in place or certainly you know what they are but may not have voiced them to anyone.
What does it mean to set boundaries?
Setting boundaries simply means having some clear ground rules. This could be within a relationship identifying limits and guidelines, things we feel comfortable with and things that are red lines for us.
Boundaries can protect your physical space, security, mental and physical health. People often struggle to set boundaries however, these can be the foundation for positive relationships. Boundaries set out and show others how you want to be treated.
Examples of boundaries
Emotional - thinking about how much personal space or privacy you need to feel safe and comfortable.
Physical - you might be a tactile person who welcomes physical contact or you may be someone who feels very uncomfortable being touched.
Time - how you spend your time is important, you might want to set boundaries of how much time you spend doing something to ensure you have time for yourself/others.
Why do boundaries matter?
Boundaries help us to feel more in control and conserve our emotional energy. They can help you to feel more confident in asking for what you need and knowing yourself and what works for you, thereby increasing your self-awareness. Having clear boundaries ensures that your needs are being met, helping you feel more secure.
How can I set boundaries?
It isn't easy to say no to someone particularly if they are really persistent or if you have never said no before. Perhaps you are naturally a people pleaser or you fear being rejected or left out if you don't conform, or perhaps you worry about creating conflict? Saying no may feel uncomfortable at first however, think about how uncomfortable it feels when you say yes and commit to something that you do not wish to do. How would it feel to prioritise your own needs in that moment and trust in your instincts and judgement knowing something isn't right for you?
Changing the way you think about boundaries will make it easier to uphold them. Practice how you might respond, what you might say and think about how it would feel to be more in control. Learning to openly communicate your boundaries and be respectful of others will promote better, healthier relationships. If you struggle with communication there are lots of hints and tips available through self-help booklets and worksheets so it's worth doing some research to help you along the way.
Without boundaries, and holding to them, you could be left feeling drained, empty, insecure and maybe even feeling exploited. Recognising that your needs matter and finding your voice to set these out can have a positive impact on your mental health and quality of life. It isn't easy to master but it's well worth investing the time and effort to get there.
If you are not sure where to start then therapy could help you, please get in touch to learn more.