How do I find my footing again after everything that's happened?
The Question That Starts It All
A client said to me recently: “I don't know how to find my footing again. I thought once Christmas was out of the way, it might give me a lift, but I feel like I'm standing on shaky ground.”
It's a question I hear often, especially in January. This time of year can stir up discomfort that's hard to put into words. Everyone else seems to be charging ahead with resolutions, plans, “fresh starts”… and you're just trying to steady yourself long enough to breathe.
If you're reading this and thinking, “Yes, that's exactly how it feels,” you're not alone.
This isn't a lack of motivation. It's the weight of grief and it makes sense that your footing feels unsteady.
Why does January make everything feel harder?
As an online grief and loss therapist, this is the month where people quietly admit to me that they feel left behind.
January brings a pressure we don't talk about enough. A pressure to be “better,” or “sorted,” or “ready to move on.”
But when you're grieving, time doesn't reset just because the calendar does. You're still carrying the same love, the same pain, the same unfinished stories and it can feel impossible to set goals when you're still trying to understand the ground you're standing on.
Of course you feel wobbly, you've been through something that shakes the foundations of your life.
Why am I struggling more now than I expected?
Short answer: because grief isn't linear.
Longer answer: because January forces reflection.
The quiet after the holidays exposes the bits you pushed aside to get through.
Your mind and body finally have space to speak, whether or not you feel ready to listen.
Many people tell me they feel a surge of sadness in January, and then shame for feeling “behind”.
You're not behind. You're adjusting to a world that changed without your permission.
Why do I keep thinking I should be further along?
Because you're human.
Because you're comparing yourself to people who aren't carrying what you're carrying.
Because grief makes you question everything: your identity, your strength, your pace.
And because deep down, you're desperate to feel some stability again. That part of you is hopeful. That part hasn't given up.
The reality is you're not stuck, you're recalibrating.
How do I start finding my footing again?
Not by making huge plans.
Not by forcing a “fresh start.”
Not by pretending you're ready when you're not.
You find your footing by noticing what feels steady, even in small, quiet ways. This might look like:
- The moments you breathe a little deeper.
- The conversations that leave you feeling slightly more grounded.
- The decisions that honour where you are, not where you think you “should” be.
- The days that aren't easier, but feel less sharp.
This is the real work of January. Not reinvention. Reorientation.
Listening to what you need, not what the world expects.
Finding your footing again isn't about “moving on”. It's about rebuilding some sense of safety inside an experience that shook you to the core.
You don't have to rebuild quickly. You don't have to rebuild it neatly. You just have to start noticing the parts of you that are still trying.
What matters is that you're here, reading this, wanting something steadier. That tells me you haven't lost yourself, even if it feels like you have.
You're not failing at grief. You're finding your way through it, with more strength than you realise, and even if your footing feels uncertain today, it won't always feel like this. Little by little, the ground returns.
A Gentle Next Step
If this has stirred something in you and you'd like support that helps you feel steadier in this new year, I'm here.
I am based in Huddersfield and work with grief, loss and suicide bereavement online and by telephone. I have appointments available. You don't have to navigate this on your own.
Joanne Reed Grief, Loss & Suicide Bereavement Therapist (Huddersfield + Online)